made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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