I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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