if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
