Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
