You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
