we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
