I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
