3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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