my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
