i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
