We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize