I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
