Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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