did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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