Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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