"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize