I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
