I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
