i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
