So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
