i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are we still banned from the library?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
