I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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