i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
