the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
