Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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