she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
