you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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