when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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