Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
