DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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