Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
