I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
