toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize