New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His nipple licking is glorious
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