it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
