Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
