her vagine was all disorganized.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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