8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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