I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
