The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
