I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
