Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
