i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
