Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
