Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
