fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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