She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
