Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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