Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
