I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
