GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
