Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
