If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
