can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
