In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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