Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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