I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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