at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
