dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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