Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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