Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
