then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize