Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
