Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
