i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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