I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
