Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
