He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize