i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
