im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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