I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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