it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
