Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
