this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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