"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
