Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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