shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All the doctor said was why
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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