1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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