tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
