Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
