So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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