when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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