I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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