Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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