If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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