Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
