I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize