I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
