I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
