I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
