***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
