My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
