mondays should just be called national damage control day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
