Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
