The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
