Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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