My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
