At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
