i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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