the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
