I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
