My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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