i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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