just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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