Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
