Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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