I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
